When I was younger, I saw Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, and I liked it. And I really liked Christian Slater as Will Scarlett, he was like that cool older brother character. Ever since then though, he's pretty much let me down. This movie is no exception. Not so much with him being bad in it (not great, I'd say 7/10, passable), but everything else. For one, they made the same mistake as The World is Note Enough: they put a ditzy attractive blond in the role of a scientist, and it absolutely does not work. I cannot accept Tara Reid as someone with a brain, simply because she doesn't know how to play that role.

Let's see, old Indian tribe, the Abkani, tried to open the portal between Heaven and Hell (or light and dark, whatever), unleashed unspeakable evil, and it destroyed them. Of course, they had to add a 3 minute text crawl at the beginning to explain all this, because test audiences got lost. Not a good sign. Now an obsessed, crazy scientist wishes to open the portal again, and badness ensues. Very original, huh? Well, apparently it was based on a video game, so we'll give them some slack.

Christian Slater plays Edward Carnby, a former agent of Bureau 713, a government agency specializing in the paranormal. He's dating Aline Cedrac, played by Tara Reid, who is an archaeologist working for Professor Hudgens, who also used to be part of 713. Quite early, a greedy ship captain opens the wrong box, and unleashes some of the evil from Abkani legend. We also find out the the Professor is evil (surprise surprise), and he experimented with children years ago. Shockingly, Carnby was one of those kids. It's this big incestuous circle that's oh so convenient for movies. Okay, so it's typical in Hollywood these days, so we'll let it go.

Alone in the Dark tries to scare us with suspense: what evil was unleashed, who will it kill? This doesn't work, as the evil is just some monsters, nothing new. It tries to horrify us with the possibilities of unleashing Hell on Earth. Yeah, that's original. It tries to awe us with fancy CG work and nifty camera tricks. Ok, some of the effect were pretty nifty, nothing outrageously awesome, but good enough. Overall, the movie is unsatisfying, but if it's a Tuesday night and you have nothing better to do, and it's on TV, then it might be better than picking your ear wax.

Starring: Christian Slater, Tara Reid, Stephen Dorff, Frank C. Turner, Mathew Walker

Director: Uwe Boll

Released: 2005

Time: 96m / 1 hour and 36 min.